War is not the answer. It never has and never will. I am not a fighter. Never have and never will. I will move on to fight another day.
I don't need this stuff on my mind. And if you really want to tell Justinn everything then fine go ahead. Justinn is a prick. I have no qualms about keeping it back anymore. You don't need him. But if you want to keep him, I will leave now and avoid the drama for myself and for you. I don't need it. I don't want it either.
So Nancy this is where it stands at. I'm going to become invisible. You're still going to see me around but the decision is up to you whether or not you talk to me. I'll still help you in class but that's the extent of our interaction at this point.
And lastly, if I am someone that is so dear to you, think about the words that you said to me last night. Cutting me down instead of bringing me up. You didn't even need to try and build me up with your words. But your words struck me deep. Saying I don't have a chance. That I have no willpower. That I am hesitant on my decision making. Is that what you would say to someone you value and love?
Think about that.
Honestly Nancy, I still care about you. This is the decision that I feel is best for the both of us to sort things out right now. You may hate me. You may get angry at for what I'm doing. But don't forget about the times and how close we have gotten over the last few months.
You said so yourself that you wouldn't make the call.
But the offer is still out there.
Nancy, if you really need someone, I'm just a phone call away.
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It's easy for someone like you to say that war isn't the answer. You simply don't know what it means to fight for something that you hold dear and precious, even with the possibility you might lose. You're willing to stand up, but not to fight. A half hearted battle is surely a doomed one.
ReplyDeleteI did think about everything. I think about this more then you do. I think about the things you can't even imagine, nor understand, or the things that you'll never realize.
You don't need this right now? And you think I needed this right now too? Did you think when you and Justinn were arguing I needed it? Did I need it, when both of you guys were trying to convince me to give up on each other? Do you think I asked for the shit that happened in my life? Did you ask for all the shit that happened in your life?
Rarely in the times that someone needs or gives shit to us, does it come at our beckoning.
You asked for what was on my mind. And I spoke with honesty and the truth. I spoke the things I didn't want to say, but knew you should know. You underestimate Justinn, and the bond that me and him have.
If you honestly care about me as you said, then where are you? Where is the so called "care" that you insist on having. What about the so called "love" you said you had.
You once asked me, what's my definition of love. And I told you, I don't know. Love is not caring for someone. Love goes beyond what you said you have.
You underestimate me. After all this time, maybe I didn't know you, and maybe you didn't know me. I don't know who you are anymore. How did so much change in the past three to four days? I'll never know nor understand.