Now that I just read your blog, I feel that the issues that I have at hand are nothing compared to what you are dealing with now. Never have I been so insecure about the personal relationships that I make with people because the people that I have let in haven't hurt me (including you).

Not on any level.

Sure I've been insecure about myself and the image that I presented to people, but that was a long time ago. I was always trying to find who I was. To fit in with the people that I thought were "cool" even copying their mannerisms in order make an attempt at being accepted in one way or another. From one thing to another. I tried and tried and tried to become someone who I wasn't. An identity crisis, a struggle to discover myself. The real Chris.
I finally found out who I am. I'm a guy who has a strong affinity to those who care for him. I'm very patient and loyal even to those that I know only on a casual level, as some would put it. I put others before myself. Sure that leaves me open to be exploited, but I think I know better about the people I can and cannot trust.

You know now that I'm on that subject, maybe I am a lot like a dog. Character wise.
Speaking of which, I miss my dog. That black lab named Chaco. That dog deserves a blog in her own right. I love that dog to death and I probably took her for granted at times, but now that's she's gone I can see clearer now that she was very loyal to me and my family.

But aside from that, you know the kind of person that I am.
I'm very predictable because I'm a good guy. You said so yourself.
And the times where you're at the lowest of lows, I'm just a phone call away. Heck, I might even be next to you. I care about you a lot. Where others may have left, I stood my ground. I took a stand for the things that I want to be and do.

And in that moment, when you sing your song. I'll be there to listen and I'll return a tune. Similar but different in every way. And don't be afraid if you need to cry. There's always a shoulder for you to cry on.

Lastly, please don't doubt me.
Cause I sure as hell don't doubt you.
...
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My List

What I look for in a relationship..
Not in any particular order.

Patience - At this point in my relationship.. I'm still learning.
Good Morals - I'm not going out with a whore.
Compassion/Understanding - Relates with the first one.
Trust - Hopefully I have the best in mind.
Communication - I'd like to hear what's on her mind. And I'd tell her my thoughts too of course.

Things I look for in a woman.

Physically...
Same height as me or a little shorter.
Asian. Nuf sed.
No drinking/smoking
The one thing that I wouldn't compromise on is nice facial features. My opinion.. not hers.
Most notably her face and her smile. I love a great smile. It brightens my day. :)


Character wise...
Strong willed - Not afraid to speak her mind.
Modest - Not a scene girl. Screw that.
Forgiving - Hey we're all messed up in some way.
Independent - Don't become too dependent. That never ends well.

That's pretty much it. I'm a simple guy.

Responding

Hmm, you're right about everything you said.
Me being quiet was because I didn't know how to react to this situation.
I guess I can't be quiet and observe. I have to be pro-active.

You say that half the things in life are learned through experience.
The another portion (in my opinion) can be learned through the experiences of others.
This is not one of those times in life.
This is all probably another learning experience.
Honestly, there are a select few that I know on a deeper level than just casual. I've haven't gotten into a relationship with any of them save 1. And I didn't know her completely.. which is probably the downfall of that relationship.

The reason that I ask many questions, is I'm afraid of making assumptions because more often than not I am wrong.

About the "social ladder" thing.. I fell more than I imagined. Not just a few rungs down from boyfriend.
I just assumed and I got that one completely wrong.

I guess I am a headache, but about my presence bothering you, has it been this way since day 1?

Everything is a learning experience.
And not everyone has the patience for me either.
I'm thinking that you've run out of patience for me.
Which is perfectly fine. I can see that.

In reality, hindsight is 20/20
I look at the things that I did and wonder to myself.. why did I do that?
Why do I seem to learn better through hindsight..
One thing that I know is I'll always try to be optimistic.
Lastly, thanks for telling me these things.